She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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