I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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