my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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