well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As shirtless as possible
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
