i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
