We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
