i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
