i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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