Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
