He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
