dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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