is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
