i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
