This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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