he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
