this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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