I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
