My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
