hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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