mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
