community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
