You're completely useless in the revolution.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
