Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
