You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
