i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
