So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
