I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
