Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh god it's open bar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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