You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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