I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
