Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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