My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
