I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
