there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
