We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
