I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
