i can't believe i had my finger in that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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