ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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