Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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