I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
