My room smells like vodka and shame
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
