before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
