I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
