Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
