Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
