I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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