You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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