why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
