Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
