Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
